Being a derby pet can be hard. Trust me, my pets know. To give you some insight into what it’s like, I asked one of my derby pets to share some thoughts. I hope you enjoy!

Hey, I’m buddy. One of Vanessa’s derby pets. You know, I love Vanessa and all, but I don’t think she truly understands the pressure that we derby pets face. While she’s off saving the spiral from certain doom, we’re busy training our tails off for HER benefit. Just think about it. Who gets the derby badges? Vanessa. Who gets invited to do KI Live? Vanessa. Who does all the actual work? ME. I’m the one running around in circles gasping for air! Anyway ….

While I don’t think Vanessa and I’s “partnership” is entirely equal, I do admit she appreciates derby pets more than most people. Just yesterday I was in the Pet Pavillion and this guy comes up to us and says, “Wow, your pet is a fail. It has no talents!” No talents? NO TALENTS? Just because you can’t see my (super awesome) abilities doesn’t mean I’m worthless or a fail. I have what racers call “selfish talents.” They increase my max stats, but you can’t visibly see them. Maybe that’s the double meaning of selfish. It’s just something I know about and can enjoy privately. :)

I know derby racing may seem like fun and games (and it mostly is), but it’s actually pretty rough out there. Whenever you go into the water, you get SUPER wet. That means that you come out feeling 10 pounds heavier. Racing is hard as it is … do I really need to deal with water too? Also, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to stay in the water sometimes. I can just imagine how good it would feel to sit there for awhile. Let the warm water course through my paws. Stare up into the sun and relax. Ahhhhhhh. Vanessa, maybe you could let it slide – just once? Please?

You know what doesn’t feel good? Mud. Just picture me smiling as I’m coming out of the nice warm water. Now picture that smile turning upside down as I trip into a big pile of mud. Not only does the mud stink, but it also feels so gross and sticky! If there isn’t another stretch of water coming up, it starts to become unbearable. But, as much as I hate mud, there is one thing that I hate more. Hurdles. Hurdles are the devil’s work. You know what happens when you miss a hurdle? Splat! Either my face collides with the evil barrier directly, or the hurdle flips me over and THEN I land on my face, or I fall over it and THEN it manages to fall on top of me. There is no good way to collide with a hurdle. I’ve had nightmares and many many bruises …

Though being a derby pet can be pretty tough, I do enjoy it overall. Besides, there’s nothing like standing on a 1st place pedestal. That by itself is worth all the bruises, mud, and tears. And I do it for you Vanessa. ALL FOR YOU. Now feed me please. I’m hungry.