How To Be the Bestest Ever


Hey you! Yes, you! Do you wanna know how to be the bestest wizard/pirate ever? You’ve come to the right place …

With this 5 step plan, ALL of the spiral’s foes will fear you.

Step 1: It’s All in the Looks


A wizard/pirate is nothing without their good looks. Pick the gear that looks the most interesting or unique! What, your gear doesn’t have good stats? No problem … who cares! Your enemies will run in fear when they see your KILLER outfit. Huh, huh? Get it? I’m telling you. It’s all in the design.

Step 2: Randomness is Key


How can your enemy prepare counter attacks if YOU don’t even know what attacks you’re using? Use random spells or abilities for optimum unpredictableness. Bonus points if you use a blindfold so you can’t cheat. Welcome to battle – where the spells/abilities are random (and bonus points don’t matter).

Step 3: Act!


Who has time for strategy when there is an evil doer right in front of you?! Skip the meaningless battle talk and wing it! There’s seriously no better feeling than being unprepared … it’s exhilarating, frightening, and completely genius. Trust me.

Step 4: Talk it Out


Wait, you thought I meant talk it out as in – try to settle differences without a violent fight? Nonsense! TALK YOUR OPPONENTS TO DEATH. Tell them how your day was, how you think tomorrow will be, what you had for lunch …. make them so bored that they’ll HAVE to flee or surrender. Silence is not an option!!!!

Step 5: Gloat Like No Tomorrow


When you ultimately defeat your opponents, be sure to gloat for as long as possible. Do a funky dance, spend thousands of crowns on their second chance chests to steal their never-ending loot, and keep laughing. Revel in that sweet, sweet victory.

And that, my friends, is how to be the bestest wizard or pirate EVA.

*April Fool’s
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